Dispatch 21: Come to Jesus…we’ll pay you…
Seriously. Sometimes Kitschians’ voracious passion for “evangelism” leads to a lottery for Jesus.
At least there aren’t drive thru churches.
Dispatch 20: The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show
This alternates between hillarious and disturbing. After viewing this video, check out some of the longer, unedited clips on youtube.
There’s a little language on this one, so beware. NSFW.
Stay off the drugs there. Don’t do the drugs there.
Dispatch 19: Overdub Jesus
The Greatest Story Ever Told, retold. Starring Truman Capote as Jesus. This should only be offensive if you really do believe Jesus was an effeminate white man.
Dispatch 18: The Redneck Study Bible
Everybody needs the word of God. Everybody does not, however, need the word of God as sponsored by their favorite camo company. Tell that to Thomas Nelson, marketing extraordinaires, who have recently released a series of bibles and bible studes aimed at their presumably plenteous redneck constituent–all in partnership with that most Christian of camo companies, mossy oak.
I’m just waiting for the indie-hipster study bible, in partnership with paste magazine and Pabst blue ribbon.
Dispatch 17: The Manga Jesus Conference
Being a youth pastor, i see more kitsch than the average Joe can shake a schtick at. Daily I receive countless flyers promoting the latest hit youth conference. Usually their titles include the word “extreme.” So imagine my surprise when I received a promotion for the simply titled “Believe” conference.
Then I read the interior of the pamphlet. Without further adieu, I give you he manga jesus conference!
Dispatch 16: Cleaning up the Movies
Clear Play is a DVD player popular with evangelical families. Essentially it edits out the bad stuff, making otherwise questionable material for family viewing sparkling clean. Kind of corny, but a great aid to families, to be sure. So far so good.
Enter “TV G.” This product serves a similar purpose but takes a different approach. When objectionable language appears in the film, the sound is muted, and closed-captioning appears at the bottom of the screen. These subtitles “translate” all the dirty words into less objectionable ones.
I was told by a family that has this player that the word “ball” or “balls” is translated to “tail.” And, my favorite: sex? Now it’s just “hugs.”
Try explain to your mom how you got pregnant by “hugging” a guy.
Dispatch 15: Youth Ministry Antics
Courtesy Patrol Magazine, check out this “worship” take of eighties classic “You Spin Me Round” (among others).
And an ingenious parody of youth ministry antics, courtesy of the hilarious SD Smith (subscribe to his blog…it’s a hoot).
